General, LET'S TALK

COMFORT

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Being-

In this state: comfort.

Is the epitome of bliss—

where I unwind, unfetter from futile worries, stop rationalizing and instead…

roam, am aware and blazingly taking this step

Albeit- no stone’s been set.

Growth and Consolidation.

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This journey is my life, this journey is my task. Finding balance.

There have been months of consolidation and months of growth-

Imbalance is unharmonious, not in synch- which I want to be. With myself, the environment and this journey. I had to reflect to learn, learn to know and know to grow. It is a cycle, we inhabit- of life. Doubt overcame me: regarding my Self, my outer shell and task.

Until I finally found both! Where I could consolidate, while growing and grow while consolidating.

Doubt comes, but it also goes fast. Ultimately, I chiseled on a foundation until it was  steadfast. A foundation to remain on and stand steadily- may the winds blow and the waves crash.

This became my point of consolidation, from which I would explore, grow and wander. My place of confidence, trust and belief.

Since then, I have chiseled on many along this journey- there is no going back, no stagnating. It needs to suit my needs, my growth, my Self of that given time. It supports my step and allows me to…

Step on shaking grounds that are on the verge of erupting, making for a fertile soil. Or, even  where no stone has been set and just risking this step.

It is nerve-wrecking, challenging and beyond anything the mind can rationally grasp. It tickles something inside that I have yet to uncover, but can feel. So I am- and always grow on erupting grounds and consolidate on my current chiseled foundation. I am my rock.

Anything is possible, with comfort- in heart and mind.

A gamble of chance. A certainty of destiny. A journey of love.

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Shot by Sarah Johanna

*This post was made possible due to the kind team at RADICE sleep, who’ve sent me their sleep-wear on a loan basis for this shooting. Learn more about RADICE here.

 

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CREATIVE MIND, LET'S TALK, STYLE OF LIFE

COLOR

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Break it apart, this white light, and you will see- color. All, inconspicuous to the naked eye. Aid it; with insight, empathy and understanding…a landscape manifests itself. Full of contrast: darkness, light- visibility.

Some days I spend quite some time on assembling an outfit, on other days I go for a pair of jeans and a black or white t-shirt.

Black and White. I see it as an expressive form of utilizing clothes- the strongest and most dominant choice one could make in my eyes. When the canvas is as plain as possible- denim and a t-shirt in white or black, you paint the picture with your colors. Your personality and everything that you are. Endless. It might sound ridiculous, but here is the thing: I wear three pieces of jewelry every day and night- a silver ring around my ring finger, a choker and a lock pendant in gold around my neck. I usually never take these off. Last summer and now more often, I am asked or ask of myself to take these off for certain activities. Activities where I see it as necessary to let go of what I have defined myself as, letting go of the minor details that materialistically ground me in reality. To explore and see again. Awareness without judgement- observant, seeing it all, taking it in. So I let go, place them on a tray. To relocate and re-center. The energetic and vibratory truth of who I am at the core- without bedazzlement or costume; naked.

Even if I do not take the jewelry off and merely go for “just“ a t-shirt, I feel the most comfortable, at ease and confident. I am not constrained by a piece of clothing, that takes my thoughts of awareness to worrying about something to sitting right. I can just be and move freely.

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The focus does not lie on the canvas, its texture, fabric or origin, but rather the colors, these rich, full and glistening colors. Finally, finally, they can show and shine through. Expression is found in language- of the body: the eyes, the movement of the hands and fingers, the tilting of the head. To the right, or left, at what angle? The gravity lies in the minute details. See! Expression is found in language- of words: How do the words I have spoken effect others, what energy flows toward them as I speak  ? Attentively I watch them, receive their energy and process their language of body and words. It is a continuous back and forth of energy- in flux.

What is left, when you strip it down to a simple canvas, a simple silhouette. You. This vast landscape of color, light and truth.

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Photos by Felicitas Willkomm

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CREATIVE MIND, LET'S TALK

WE

We sit around this small  table that is cluttered with wallets, rolling tobacco, filters papes, a fresh ginger tea, a small sparkling water, two gin tonics and nuts. New faces, new people- smalltalk, rapid fire questions, the usual.

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The first question: Who are you? So many words roaming through my head to answer this seemingly innocent, uncomplicated and straight forward questions. Should I utter the long, ambiguous and undefined answer-which is an oxymoron in itself? Or should I propound my ethnicity, country of residence, name? Okay…the name it is; it is simple, short and introduces myself well enough; for starters. Our names- all distinctively different, given to us under different circumstances, each holding meaning, each associated with special traits of character, each a label. Judged- by past experiences the listeners have made with people holding that name. Nonetheless, our name is always what sets our foot in the door: we greet people with our name, we sign off with our name. It is almost omnipresent and so are we.

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Where are you from? The two cogwheels are turning, trying to set something into motion, trying to get grip of each other. By ethnicity I am labeled as this, through my country of residence since birth I am labeled as this and inside I am… Neither do I identify as only the one or the other. Does this mean I do not not fit in, do not belong anywhere? No. I am everything- all ethnicities, cultures that I was exposed to, that I grew up in. What I learnt in one, is feared in the other- a woman, a religion, an opinion. What I learnt in each enriched me, helped me grow and flourish. I am both, or none at all. I am a citizen of this planet, this world. I find a piece of myself beyond these, in other cultures, traditions and religions. In this box, trapped and enclosed by walls to constrain this boundlessness, this endless potential. Together- we can bring these walls to collapse. An accumulation of box templates, tiles that slowly move towards each other to create new patterns, transitions- without walls, gaps or limitations. We belong everywhere or no where at all.

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Well, what brought you here? A time lapse, in my head. Trying to connect all the small dots that lead me here to a line- a line of decisions and chances. It all started with a movie really, and then I read the novel the movie was based on, diving into this world of fiction and subversion, a mirror of our lives. Then- a sleepless night, spent on the computer, watching videos, reading articles and all of a sudden looking up schools… Out of nowhere, to my disbelief the plane ticket was booked, still not fully aware of the situation, what would be ahead of me, what grounding and self-developing journey I would embark….But now, here I am, seated at this table. Well…First I was shy, then I took the initiative and started talking to this one person and he was friends with the other two, so here we are, gathered around this table- all that connects us or maybe more? I could have been somewhere else if I did not: watch this movie, read this book, was restless and sleepless in bed, boarded this plane. Now- I am assured that we met each other for a reason. I can see a piece of me in each of them. I know that when I leave this table their presence, words and being will have left an impact on me. It all happened for a reason, and shaped me. Us.

We are our journey. We are in flux, ever changing- everything. Everything we want ourselves to be- disregarding labels, boxes and words that limit ourselves. We are boundless. We matter, the place we hold in this world matters. Our actions, voices matter. Together- we are.

 A special thank you to Yasmin, Nora and Elisa for sharing their thoughts on this topic, without which this blogpost wouldn’t be what it is now!

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CREATIVE MIND, LET'S TALK

BOLDNESS

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Where did it come from, all of a sudden? From within? From outside? From me? From them? Could it have been this city, that granted me this ability, this trait? Possibly…no Im certain of it. A side of me that  hasn’t received any light, water and hope, a side that couldn’t grow or flourish. A flower that hasn’t been given the environment it needed, to grow, flourish and blossom. But here- this environment- it gave it all that: light to shine, water to grow, air to breathe and hope to be bold.

There must have been something about this place, that made the conditions just right.  It only took a week, seven days- I felt it in my heart, I saw it in the sky, how the stars align. No more! I quit, I’m done- with being timid to undermine my capabilities, biting my tongue to keep me from saying what I want to, being in denial of who I really am. Bold.

I see it everywhere; boldness I mean. I see it in myself, I see it in others, bust most importantly I believe in it; this world. A world of making bold choices, choices that might scare me, be outside of my comfort zone- but this is merely a limitation I placed on myself, I am boundless, I can be bold- I need to be, for me to be me. To dare and float in waters unknown, unnamed, undefined. Risk the step, confidently,  on shaking grounds. There is no coming back from this, awakened, it erupts, breaks free. Only forward, always bold.

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For a while however, when the circumstances changed, once again. It vanished. It was gone. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was determined, nonetheless, to return to this state of boldness, my true self- where I was permitted to be confident, risk, fall and stand up again- with arms waiting for me to grasp them. It cannot be, I couldn’t accept it- that all of this, all of this stirring and shaking up was bound to this once place.

Boldness means independence, detachment from place and circumstance. But what kind of flower can be unrooted from the grounds where it prospered? None that I knew. But…a flower that can grow without light, water and air is one that can never be disheartened, dried or suffocated. One that will prevail eternally and live boldly, always.

I strive, every day, to seek these unknown, unnamed and undefined waters, the shaking grounds. I want to swim, float, bathe in them. I want to walk, jump, dance on them. And whenever my gaze moves up, my head rests in my neck and looks up, into the sky- I know that this, boldness, the feeling it evokes, is what I need- to grow, develop and flourish. That this is the path I need to follow, that here, the daring, bold and untested, is where I need to be. I will not settle for the ordinary, I will trust, I will not emote, I will not fabricate, I will be. Bold.

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OUTFIT DETAILS

Pants- I am Gia The Label

Sweater- Céline

Ankle Boots- Saint Laurent

Boots- Mou

Shot by Sarah Johanna

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LET'S TALK, STYLE OF LIFE

WONDER AGAIN

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The both of us sit in the metro, looking around. I am looking at the people crowded around us, the surroundings we pass…I catch him doing the same, carrying a facial expression as if he were in deep, complicated thoughts- my 5 year old brother.

I ask him, out of the blue and after a few minutes of silence: “What are you thinking about?“
The answer is: “About nothing“

Thinking about nothing, when have I last thought about nothing? Where I was still present, still absorbed the impressions of my surroundings, where my mind, however, was free of cloudiness and clutter? It must have been a long time ago, as I cannot recall…

When I think, my thoughts circle around memories, which are in the past, or what I will do once we get off of the metro and are home, how my plan is for the upcoming day or week. Though I exist in the present, my thoughts are generally in the past or future. What about the present and no thoughts at all?

Letting go of all these thoughts that circle our heads has been forgotten. Being a child again. They do not have this sense of time we have, so the only option available is living in the moment. Living in the moment to me means enjoying the little things, embrace the bad equally as the good and most importantly open up one’s heart to wonder. This sense of wonder dies within us with every year we become more “mature“, “grown up“…more socially accepted as “adult“. We are taught to think about our future, who we aspire to be, with whom or not we want to be, what we want to become and accordingly our thoughts are shaped, not solely by us, however. It is also not wrong to spare some thoughts on these subjects, but they should not control our existence, being in the present and limit our capability to live in the moment and merely BE.

I, for my part, want to save this little piece of wonder within me and stay a child in this aspect, the typical Peter Pan syndrome you might think, but no! Maturity is important, but so is wondering and living in the moment- we need a healthy balance. Some of us will need to learn to wonder again, but the more you wonder the more you learn- about yourself, the world and people around you.

Sometimes we just need to declutter ourselves, let go, dance and finally live.

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Shot by Sarah Johanna

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